"The existence, the physical universe is basically playful. There is no necessity for it whatsoever. It isn't going anywhere. That is to say, it doesn't have some destination that it ought to arrive at." - Alan Watts
The Man on the Train
Arthur stepped onto the train. Or perhaps it was more of a stumble than a step, for the train smoke was thick and stung his eyes as he crossed the threshold into the locomotive. To add to his plight, the suitcase he was carrying was sufficiently heavy and unbalanced. Not that that was his fault…he wasn’t the one who packed it.
To Arthur’s dismay, he found the train to be quite full at this hour. Each cabin was crowded with people of all shapes and sizes, all clutching their own baggage and awaiting their own destinations.
Arthur slid a few cabin doors open that appeared to have vacant seats from the outside, but each time he did so, he was met with a sorry, that seat's taken or a that seat's for my bag or simply a no, sorry.
It didn’t take long for Arthur to grow disheartened and so he sought out one of the many conductors who bumbled up and down the center aisle with their outdated attire and silly mustaches.
“Hello? Sorry to bother, but do you know if there are any seats open? I haven’t been able to find one.”
The conductor frowned. He was obviously busy checking tickets or doing whatever else a conductor was supposed to be doing on a crowded train.
“Keep heading towards the back. There are a few cabins that might be empty,” The man grunted, and then he turned to go back to his work.
And so Arthur did just that, because what other choice did he have? He continued on down the row of cabins and passed the other folk who bustled about in search of vacant seats. He peeked through the smoky glass of each sliding door, but most of them appeared full or their doors were locked.
Suddenly, the floor shifted beneath Arthur’s feet, and a loud hissssss resounded from outside. The train began to move and Arthur was still without a seat. He was frustrated now, and quickly tore his way down the line, trying desperately to find a spot.
Eventually, he came across a cabin that looked empty from the outside, save for a single dark figure stirring about in his seat. Hesitantly, Arthur rapped on the translucent sliding door and then proceeded to enter the cabin.
“Excuse me? Do you mind if I sit with you, sir?” Arthur asked unsurely, “All the other cabins are full.”
And if that last sentence had not been a fact, so far as Arthur could tell, then he might have just taken his chances with another cabin. The inhabitant of this particular cabin appeared to be haggard and misshapen. His clothes were dull and in need of sewing, his beard begging for a trim, and his shoes were practically walked to tatters. A lumpy brown hat sat haphazardly upon the man’s head, casting his eyes in shadow.
“Not a problem. Take a seat,” The man said. His voice sounded as smooth as rusted railroad spikes.
Arthur threw a glance over his shoulder, hoping that a random Samaritan would notice his duress and perhaps offer the location of an empty seat further down. It was too late for a thing like that, however. The train was gaining speed rapidly and the ride was going to be a bumpy one. He suppressed a sigh and took his seat, placing his heavy suitcase atop his lap.
“Thank you,” Arthur said to the mysterious man.
The man tipped his weathered hat, but offered no verbal reply.
Uneasily, Arthur sank back into his seat and listened to the steady thumping of the train as it rattled along the tracks. The cabin was warm and cozy. Gentle sunlight seeped through the morning fog and the blinds and fell upon the room’s interior. The seats were comfortable and the walls papered with a charming floral pattern. It was an outstandingly pleasant place to be, no doubt.
Save for one detail, of course: the lumbering vagabond who sat sprawling across his seat. Arthur’s curiosity over this strange figure ended up getting the best of him in the end. He had to ask who this man was.
“So…where are you headed?” Arthur broached with caution.
The man lifted his hat slightly so that Arthur could gaze into his eyes. They were piercingly blue, and as good-natured as they were intense. There was certainly a lot to see in those eyes; not to mention a lot that those eyes had seen themselves.
“Nowhere in particular,” The man answered in that same coarse voice of his.
“Just hitching a ride then?” Arthur blurted out, “Oh…not like that…I just meant…you know…seeing wherever the rail takes you.”
The man surveyed Arthur for a moment and then he said, “Something like that, sure. I’d wager that you’re probably doing the same.”
Arthur let out a nervous laugh because he did not know how to respond to such an accusation. He was a man on a train with a packed suitcase; obviously he knew where he was going and why.
Obviously.
Right?
Without warning, Arthur was flooded with an overwhelming dread. He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck straightening like arrows. He could not quite explain why, but something felt incredibly wrong about this whole situation. The train, the cabin, the cryptic stranger, it all seemed so very foreign and upsetting.
“You know…you know what’s kind of strange, sir?” Arthur asked.
“What’s that?” Those blue eyes stared straight through Arthur.
“Well, this is going to sound crazy; but I can’t recollect how I got here.”
The man smiled, “You stepped onto the train and then walked into this cabin. That’s how you got here.”
“You know what I meant! I don’t know how I got here! On this train…”
The man nodded his head and chuckled to himself. His laugh was like sandpaper.
“What’s so funny about that?” Arthur snapped. He felt like the walls were closing in on him, squeezing him to the point of suffocation.
“What isn’t funny about it? I don’t know how I got on this train either. Isn’t that hilarious?”
Arthur was practically shaking by this point. He felt as though his perceptions were shrunk into some deep canyon within his mind. His head felt light and dizzy, his vision unfocused, and his heart pounding irregularly.
“I can’t-” Arthur gasped, “I can’t breathe…god help me I can’t breathe.”
But Arthur’s own voice sounded foreign. He stood up to leave, but as he did so, spinning blue stars encircled his vision and he felt a profound weakness spread across his limbs. Arthur nearly passed out, but the mysterious stranger shoved him back into his seat before that could happen and told him to get a grip on himself.
Arthur was stubborn, though. He pulled at the blinds and tried to wrench open the cabin window to get some air.
“The window doesn’t open. Get ahold of yourself!” The man barked.
“But you don’t understand! I have luggage…I stepped onto this train; but I don’t even know where I’m going or who I am!” Arthur ranted.
“Give me that suitcase!” The man demanded, suddenly.
He pointed to Arthur’s bulky suitcase which was now on the floor.
“Wh-What?”
“I said give it to me.”
Arthur reached down to grab his suitcase, barely suppressing a wave of nausea as he did so. He still felt weak and sickly, but there something about the mysterious man’s confident demeanor that soothed him, if only slightly.
“Here,” Arthur handed the suitcase to the man.
The man removed his hat, revealing uncombed brown hair. He set it beside, him, and then cracked open the suitcase without any further warning. He sifted through the case, tossing things about and examining each individual item.
“Is any of this junk yours? Do you remember packing it?”
“I mean…it must be.”
“But is it? Is this cheap pocket watch yours?” The man croaked as he removed a flimsy pocket watch from the case, “What about these old books. It’s a bunch of useless almanacs and dictionaries, nothing more. Why would you travel with such things? How about this lighter that doesn’t even have a wick? Or this dusty clothing? I can’t imagine any of it fits you.”
Arthur’s horror began to creep up on him once again. None of the items that the strange man had pointed out were familiar. He had been lugging around a heap of useless junk for god knows how long, never questioning why.
“I’m confused,” Arthur muttered.
“I was too. I was carrying a full burlap sack when I first stepped onto the train. There were some cans of spoiled food inside, a few pairs of clothes, and a broken music box. I don’t remember packing any of those things or why I was carrying the bag in the first place.”
Arthur’s eyes widened in shock, “And where is your luggage now?”
The man grinned, exposing his yellowed teeth.
“I had no need for it, so I chucked it out the window.”
“But…I thought you said the window doesn’t open.”
The man turned towards the window and slid it open, allowing a cool breeze to sweep into the cabin. The sounds of the train were nearly deafening, and the outside world passed by in blur of color.
“I lied!” The man boomed over the roar of the wind, “I couldn’t have you opening train windows while you were in the middle of having a panic attack!”
“Fair enough!” Arthur called back.
The man slammed Arthur’s suitcase shut and snapped its locking mechanisms. Then he tossed it back to Arthur.
“Now, get rid of that nonsense!”
“What?! You can’t mean-”
“What use is it to you anyway? Throw it out!”
Arthur hesitated at first, but then he found himself lifting the heavy suitcase over his head and hurling it out. Out into the wind and trees. He watched as it tumbled through the air before making contact with the hard earth. The locks busted on impact, spilling the case’s contents out and spitting them in every direction. Arthur wasn’t sure why, but it was a satisfying sight indeed.
The mysterious man shut the window and sighed with relief.
“I was a bit worried about you for a second there. I wasn’t sure if you had it in you.”
“I wasn’t sure either. But…but I still don’t know why I was carrying any of that to begin with. Or why I’m here on this journey right now. I mean…someone must have sent me here, right? A spy maybe? Or some powerful hypnotist who wiped my memory?”
“Perhaps.”
“Oh god. We could be in some kind of trance right now? Or a dream? Or maybe our heads are all hooked up to wires and diodes and blinking buttons!”
The man nodded skeptically. He stroked the hair on his chin gently, as if milking his own thoughts.
“Maybe. Or maybe we’re just here. On this train. Right now.”
Arthur considered that for a second. He wracked his brains trying to makes sense of the strange passenger and his simple words, but that proved to be difficult. How can someone just find themselves on a train without a proper explanation?
“No. That can’t be…”
“Not only can it be, but it is. Search your mind for me. Tell me this: what is your name?”
“Arthur!” Arthur answered with confidence for once.
“Arthur? Just Arthur? Who named you that?”
Arthur’s self-assurance faded quickly.
“Well…my mother and father I presume.”
“You presume? Tell me about your mother and father. What do they look like? What are their names?”
Arthur sank back into himself once again. He could hear his hear thumping in his ears, frantically trying to supply enough blood to his brain to stop him from fainting.
“I don’t remember. I can’t remember my own parents…”
“Then your predicament is the same as mine, Arthur. I can’t remember who my parents are or anything that occurred before I stepped on board this train.”
“But-but you remember your name at least? What’s your name?”
“I remember my name, yes, but what is the use of it? This identity that you possess…those fancy clothes you’re wearing, the name Arthur, that suitcase full of rubbish; all it does is weigh you down. It’s best to chuck it out the window and forget about it.”
The train began to screech to a stop, its air whistle blowing and coughing steam. Outside, the rooftops and chimneys of several small homes came into focus. Arthur spotted a church steeple, a clock tower, and some open farmland, but each of these locations was rather bare and superficial. Almost like a cardboard cutout.
A conductor marched down the line, announcing that this stop was ‘Greenville’. This prompted a few passengers to get out of their seats, stretch their backs, and head towards the exit. Arthur could see several silhouettes passing by on the other side of the smoky glass door to the cabin.
“Where are they all going?” Arthur asked.
“This is their stop.”
“Will they remember where they’re going once they get off? What happens to them?”
“I don’t know. They just get off.”
“Well…where are we getting off at? Can we leave now?”
“You can get off whenever you’d like, but you might as well just sit out the ride, you know? I’m supposed to get off at the next station: Fairview.”
Arthur searched his mind a bit and found that he was destined to get off at a town named ‘Kingston’. He could tell that it was a couple stops down the line, and that he would arrive near the close of day.
“Kingston…that’s where I’m headed.”
“Hmmm. Sounds nice.”
“You-you should come with me,” Arthur pleaded. He did not want to lose the only familiar face in his entire world.
“I can’t. I have to get off at Fairview.”
“But why? I thought you told me to throw away the identity I walked on here with? And didn’t you say that you can get off whenever you’d like.”
“You can get off early, sure, but never late. I know it seems odd, but getting off in Fairview is the only thing I can’t throw away. Nor do I want to…this ride has been long enough as it is, and I’m ready to stretch these bones and see what that quaint little town has to offer.”
Four, maybe five, individuals stepped onto the train each carrying some form of luggage. Some only had small purses, while others slung great trunks over their shoulders and staggered on by. Not long after the passing of these new arrivals, the train lurched forward and began to gain speed.
“But aren’t you afraid to…I don’t know…lose your memory? What would happen then?”
“You tell me, Arthur. As far as I can see there isn’t much I can do about that. All I can do is sit back and enjoy the ride.”
“Enjoy the ride? What the hell is there to enjoy in this rickety old box?”
The man shook his head in disappointment and said, “There’s plenty to enjoy. Have you even looked out the window this whole time and taken in the views?”
Arthur looked out the window with sudden curiosity. It was a beautiful sight indeed, and it only grew more beautiful with each passing mile. There were fields upon fields of purple and yellow wild flowers. There were shining cities of glass and steel looming in the far distance. There were towering mountains and plateaus that dwarfed those cities, and lakes and rivers that stretched out into the horizon line.
Arthur spent a while surveying these magnificent sights, and soaking in their glory. He felt foolish for having wasted so much time bickering back and forth with the strange man when he could have been savoring the ride.
“It truly is an incredible view,” Arthur crooned after some time.
“It is indeed; for now at least. Sometimes it rains really hard or it’s so foggy that you can’t see two feet out the window. Other times those cities in the distance don’t look so nice. They blow black smoke into the sky and block the view of the mountains in the distance. But you know what? Even when it doesn’t look so great out there and you start wondering about the station that you’re supposed to get off at, or the baggage that you were lugging around for no reason, or your utter cluelessness…it’s still beautiful in its own way. And when the clouds finally clear it’s that much more beautiful.”
“And why is that?” Arthur asked. His eyes were shining with interest.
“Because if it was all good and we always knew what was going on, where would the fun be? Let’s say you knew exactly who you were and where you came from…wouldn’t that kill the mystery of this whole thing?”
Arthur nodded slowly. He felt a burning sensation deep inside of him. It clawed at his brain and begged for answers, but the stranger was right. What use was there in knowing who sent him on this journey- assuming anyone had sent him on it at all? The answer to that question would merely send Arthur down another rabbit hole filled with more questions that did not have answers.
The train started to grind to a halt once again. It stopped at a train station baring a large sign that read: FAIRVIEW in jumbo red letters. The town that rested outside the window was all but silent much like Greenville had been. There were tiny houses and buildings and a few prominent towers, but otherwise the townscape was rather bland.
“Whelp, looks like this is where we part ways, my friend.”
The man got up and stretched his back, making it pop once. Twice. The ride had been a long one, and it felt good to finally stand up. He turned to grab his dilapidated hat from the seat and then headed for the sliding door.
“Wait! Are you sure you have to do this?”
“I am, yes.”
“Well…can I at least come with you,” Arthur’s nerves were getting the better of him once again.
“You talk too much,” The man replied, “Just sit back. Let it take you away.”
And with those final words, the man placed his hat gently upon his head, tipped it, and stepped out of the cabin. He shut the sliding door, and Arthur watched him disappear down the line along with a couple of other passengers who had been waiting to reach Fairview.
Arthur peered out the window with cupped hands and saw the mysterious man exit the train. Unlike the others surrounding him, he had no luggage and no name. In time, his figure was obscured by the thick vapors of the train, and Arthur could see no more.
A couple of newcomers boarded with haste, and then the train continued on its way, headed for Auburn, Georgetown, St. Francisville, Springfield and eventually Kingston. It was going to be a long ride, and Arthur had no plans of getting off early. He wanted to enjoy his journey- if one could even call this a journey and get away with it.
He thought back on the man’s words. Just sit back. Let it take you away. That was good advice indeed. Arthur rested his head in the headrest of his seat and shut his eyes for a moment, feeling the train vibrating all around him. Light flashed beneath his closed eyes as the sunlight cascaded through the window. He felt warm and entirely at peace for a change.
The ride didn’t have to be horrifying or confusing, Arthur noticed. It just had to be, and that was all.
← Back to portfolio